Walking the Talk: Just how far does your support for the military go?

A couple of months back Joey and I were driving across town and somehow the subject of the military came up. I don't recall exactly what the topic was but considering my line of work it was not unusual to be discussing these matters. As the conversation progressed, Joey mentioned he had always wanted to do something with the military and regretted never acting on that. He lamented about being too old to do it now and how "if he had it to do over again." This was when I mentioned that they sometimes give waivers to people over the age limit and if it was something he really wanted then he should look into it.

My husband is methodical, he does nothing without a spreadsheet and a full subset of contingencies. I never actually believed he would join the military. I thought he would look at all of his data and come to the conclusion that it really wasn't right for us. Was I ever wrong.

Within a couple of weeks he had done a massive amount of research and was calling recruiters and unit commanders. He was talking to old friends who are in the military and laying out his multiple layer questionnaire for the recruiter meeting. He was primarily interested in the Air National Guard but the benefits for that route were not very impressive and there were no officer opportunities for anyone who wasn't a chaplain or a doctor. Joey is an electrical engineer. He then began looking into the Army National Guard (whole lotta benefits there). With the help of a certain person that has my forever gratitude, the process began moving along quickly.

We received all the info we needed on basic training, AIT (Advanced Individual Training), and the advanced OCS (Officer Candidate School) program. It was overwhelming and I still had so many questions (I still do). One of the biggest issues is financing this endeavor. Joey would enlist as an E3 so the pay scale is no where near what he makes at his "day job." Not until completion of OCS would the pay be on par. He will have 18 full weeks, 4 1/2 months where he is bringing home a paycheck that is 40% less than his current salary. Needless to say, that is a problem.

Once the reality of him actually becoming a member of the military set in I guess you could say I went into mother bear survival mode. There is such a range of emotions that I don't know if I will ever be able to accurately describe to anyone. The most prevalent emotion is fear. Fear of the unknown. Fear of that unexpected knock at the door, fear of being presented with a flag at a funeral, fear of raising three young children on my own, fear of losing my best friend.

I fear being alone for 4 months to take care of a home and everything that goes along with it. I have asked myself so many questions that no one can, or ever will, answer. Many of the questions are trivial and seem stupid but they are overwhelming when you think about doing them while emotionally coping with your husband being away and unable to even talk to him. Who will help Anna with her math (God help her if it has to be me), who is going to mow the yard (it's almost 2 acres), how is Hallie (only 3 years old) going to ever understand why daddy is gone for so long and will she be OK? Ethan is strong, I don't worry so much about him. He just turned 10 and I really believe he is going to be a little man through all this. However, I still worry about how he will feel about his "pop," the man who has raised him as his own since he was 18 months old, leaving him alone, how will he feel about his mom being alone? I don't want to lay down at the end of a long day in an empty bed...

I know this is just the first step of coping with this. I don't know where I will be emotionally when he is deployed for the first time and gone for a full year. I have always said that I don't know how military wives do it. I said I could never deal with something like this. I have talked about how proud I am of our military and that I believe in full support for them, their families, and especially for our veterans. I m convinced, after much prayer, that this is a test. I must now walk the talk. Where I believe I am weak, it appears that God has a different opinion. I have faith he is going to show me something about myself that I never knew.

I am so proud of my husband. He has always worked so very hard to give all of us more than we ever need. This is just a natural progression for him. He loves this country so much. He believes in everything that is good about it and I know he will make an honorable soldier. On Thursday he will go down to Little Rock to take his physical and the ASVAB. Barring any unforeseen circumstances that could arise there, on Friday afternoon, my husband will be a United States Soldier.